Bite Ya Bum.

The recent celebration of our national day got me thinking - I am, painfully and potentially irrevocably un-Australian. I'm not tanned (I'm the equivalent of living, breathing paste). I never frequent the beach. I don't know how to surf or play rugby (soccer is more my thing). I have no idea how to throw a boomerang (I'd probably decapitate myself), fish, light a barbecue, and I can't remember the lyrics to 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport' - actually, I don't think I ever learnt the lyrics. In my defence I do watch the cricket, but I don't think many other people do so that probably doesn't count.

So my only saving grace is language and the wonder that is Australian slang. Sure, I don't say 'Austray-an', but I have friends who do so they make up for it. Yet language in itself divides us. It's hard to believe that we're all from the same country with the number of Australian accents we've got going. The one thing that truly unites us Aussies is joy in the complete naivety of foreigners. Boy, do I love taking the mickey out of tourists. My dad's sister recently came over from England with her husband and kids, who all have polished Yorkshire accents. The number of times I had to refrain from laughing when they didn't understand what I'd said! Yet for people who describe 1:30 as 'half-one', who call a ute a 'truck' and who say 'trousers', they do pretty well. Though I'll never forget the time when I once said 'No worries' to a foreigner, who then replied 'Why do you think I'm worried?'

Just in case there is another deprived soul like myself who does not know the lyrics to 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport', our trusted friend Wikipedia describes it as 'one of the best known and most successful Australian songs'. So get learning.

Calling it a day.