may.

so we're at the end of may. oh my goodness.
i can't believe we're almost six months through.

the other day my sister said 'can you believe that brittany murphy died last year?'
i mean, i wasn't actually a brittany murphy fan but i was stunned. time goes so fast.

like i'm finishing my first uni semester tomorrow, which is bizarre.
because i remember my first week like it was...yesterday...?
and i can't believe that i am almost 1/6th of the way through my BA. a bit freaky but cool all the same.

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but anyway, i'm sidetracking here.
so i just got an email from my lecturer asking me to come to my history tutorial tomorrow because i've already missed two.
like i was considering otherwise.

the first one i missed was about four weeks ago, i was fully prepared to go and had packed and everything, it was 9am, about an hour before i had to leave, and i was feeling a bit tired so i just thought i would lie down and have a ten-minute nap.

i woke up at 3pm.

i heard someone downstairs and was like 'huh? why are they home so early?' because i still thought it was 9:30am or whatever.

so i went downstairs and found my mum in the kitchen and said 'what are you doing home so early?' to which she said 'aren't you supposed to be at uni?'

i was like 'huh it's only 9:30' and she said 'dude it's 3pm'(or something to that extent)

well, naturally, i freaked out. but i wasn't tired anymore so that was a bonus.

the second time i actually was sick so it wasn't a big deal really.

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i've gotten back pretty much all my assignments and feel so happy about them all. i've really surprised myself which is nice, because i like surprises.

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yesterday i went back to my old high school because they needed people to read and write for some school exams. it was pouring with rain, i walked to school and my shoes were soaked!
i saw some of my old teachers which was nice, they were really surprised to see me there.
so then i did the reading for this girl who was really struggling, it was yr 10 maths and she was having so much trouble, it felt nice to be able to help in some way even though i couldn't help her with the answers i still read her the questions.
then i walked back to the train station in the rain, caught a train home and walked home in the rain. my shoes are still wet!

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i have been annoyed at certain members of my family all day but i won't go into it because most likely i will rant.

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sometimes i wish things could be different. not necessarily easier. just different.
i mean, i have a good life, and i hate it when people who share a similar way of life to me or who are really well off complain about how their lives suck. because they really don't! i used to think my life sucked because i'll admit it, i have to deal with things that most people never encounter during their lifetime. but then i did some volunteer work and met people who were struggling and it made me realise that my life doesn't suck at all! sure there are low points but they are practically trivial to what some other people go through. even though i do have different experiences to most people i consider myself lucky that i have the ability to do things like appreciate myself and others, or to communicate, or to walk outside without fear of harassment or death. we can all appreciate ourselves and our lives if we just take the time to do so. we can all think of what we want to change, but can we actually make them? can we be them?

now i know that if i want things to change i have to change them myself.
because they won't get better on wishful thinking.


peace.